New Beginnings

Totally unexpected 2009 completely rocked my world over and over again.
So glad it did, though not what I would have chosen in most cases.
Change is good, mostly.
My family is healthy. We love each other and enjoy time together and even time apart. My God is alive and in control. True friendship is a blessing that I don't deserve but am thankful for and treasure like never before. I have a great job that I look forward to everyday. God is Sovereign.

I was carried through it by my sweet Jesus and now I am free.

Looking forward to 2010, the possibilities, the opportunities, the failures, the successes, the time that was planned for me before I was.

If...

The song says..."If You want me to..." Cliches can be true: Behind every cloud is a silver lining; when God closes a door, He opens a window,; grass is greener on the other side of the fence, etc.
One saying though I've never understood...sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Well bring on the sticks and the stones because I'd take them anyday over the words that cut so deep. The words that change lives, that rob you of the lives you've invested in, that could so easily rob you of the joy of the Lord. The words that speak UNtruth, that continue to cut and infect... for now.

We can turn to Scripture and find that God is on our side. He doesn't promise continual peace but He does promise to hold us, to never let go or leave us alone, and to never give us more than we can bare. While I know Scripture speaks truth, again, music fills my soul along with Scripture. Ginny Owens sings "If You Want Me To"

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.
It may not have been a way I would have chosen
When you led me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone.
So when the world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put me through
And I'll go through the valley
if you want me too.
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I'll go through the fire
if You want me to.


Whatever it takes, pull me in.

Restoration

Restoration Audra Harke, Clay Edwards

You bring restoration,
You bring restoration,
You bring restoration to my soul.

You've taken my pain And you call me by a new name.
You've taken my shame And in its place you give my joy.

You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my weeping and turn it into laughing
You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, You make all things new.

Psalm 23:3 He restores my soul.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:11-12 You have turned my mourning into dancing, loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever.

Bad Days Better

You have made my day
Even in stormy weather
I'm dancing in the rain
Cause you make bad days...

Great is the way
When you come to mind
I am smiling ear to ear
Sweet thoughts of you
I'm always in the mood
To twirl around with you
to twirl around with you
While it's raining
Even if it's a dream

Great is the way
That I am unafraid
When I see you
All my fear goes away

Bad days are coming
Rainy days are always around
But if I can see you
One glance upon you
The sun comes out

I'm dancing in the rain
Cause you make bad days better

As I see it, I have two choices:
I can sit beside the dance floor in the rain and watch the dance continue without me.
Or I can choose to take this moment of dark clouds, lift my head to God, let Him embrace me, lead me to the dance floor and dance with Him through the rain.

I choose the dance, I choose to allow him the opportunity to make the bad days better. I choose to twirl around, to smile ear to ear, to let the sun come out with just one glance of him.

With rain sometimes comes a good show of God's majesty across the night sky. The flashes of light and the roll of thunder remind me of His Sovereignty and of the darkness that can accompany these rainy days.
I choose to take in the rain and the majesty of night lights and pray for the sun to come out in the morning. I choose to dance with God through the rain and to run with him when the sun finds its way back.

Embracing Accusation

Why is it that music can speak to my heart and soul so quickly? I love going to the Village because I know Scripture will be opened and read, meditated on, tracked with, broken down and applied. In addition to that is the music, not your traditional music usually, but praise filled, heart felt, hand raising or chest tapping lyrics that I can't help but sing out with in awe and reverence for my King. Then there's always the song(s) that bring tears to my eyes for various reasons or ones that literally put me in my chair in prayer. Last Saturday night was certainly no exception.

Embracing Accusation (Shane and Shane)

The Father of Lies coming to steal, kill, and destroy all my hopes of being good enough.
I hear him saying, "cursed are the ones who can't abide," He's right. Halleluiah, he's right.
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed. That I am cursed and gone astray.
I cannot gain salvation, embracing accusation.
Could the Father of lies be telling the truth to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine.
I hear him saying, "cursed are the ones who can't abide". He's right. Halleluiah, he's right.
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed. That I am cursed and gone astray.
I cannot gain salvation.
Oh the devil is singing over me the age old song... that I am cursed and gone astray.
Singing the first verse so conveniently, he's forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES.

Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us- for it is written," Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree"-so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might RECEIVE THE PROMISED SPIRIT THROUGH FAITH. (the forgotten refrain of the deceiver)

Jesus, thank you for the refrain, help me to hear it above the lies of the deceiver.

Twenty Questions

Who thought of this game anyway?

Maybe I have one answer for now, maybe 17 answers.

Forgetting what I wanted (want), why I said yes, for how long it will be, what the sun looks like, etc. Not understanding how I am supposed to teach with ten thousand meetings to attend, and countless tests to give to the children, even before they've been taught the concepts...

I wait every morning for them to walk into that classroom. Wondering did they have enough to eat last night? Have they gotten to take a bath, did they get to sleep in a bed, was anyone home when they got there or when they went to bed? Who got to hear "I love you?" Many other questions I don't dare try to write or answer.

And you know what plays in my head? One of my dearest friends knows exactly what it is and I don't even have to tell her. She knows because it's in her heart and head too.

My passion for what I really want to do has not changed. I don't know why I answered the phone that summer day, or agreed to an interview, or said yes at the offering and gave up the rest of my summer and apparently year to pursue this. I don't even know if I'm doing it right. But Monday through Friday at 7:30 a.m. none of that matters, just seeing 17 children coming into Room 17 is all that matters. And until they are accounted for, nothing else matters. The rest of the day, that's another story!

For now, for at least the next few months, beyond that, I don't really know, but for now...

You're the God of this City, You're the King of this People, You're the Lord of this Nation You Are There is No One Like You God...

Twenty Questions

Let's play 20 questions!!
When you know the answer, just ring your buzzer, and tell me the answer!!
I will ask the questions, you will answer each question.
When you know the answer, gently tap your buzzer (like this, show how to softly rub arm to make it tickle)and give me the correct answer.
I have played this game many times and am really hoping for some answers worth reading.
Does everyone understand the perimeters of the game? I ask questions, you ring in with answer. The sooner the better!
Your answer may not be in the form of a question. I ask the questions!

1. What was I thinking?
2. How long?
3. Why?
4. What does the sun look like?
5. What was I thinking?
6. How to you protect against chapped eyes?
7. Does holding your breath cause heart malfunctions?
8. Did I do this?
9. Why can't I just say thank you?
10. How long can I ask for something before I just get completely tuned out?
11. When the students see me, do they see Him?
12. Do I?
13. Can I see past the end of my nose?
14. What kind of carpet should I get?
15. Would anyone care to paint walls this weekend? I think they need it ( plus there will be fumes! lol)
16. How can there possibly be a need for so many meetings? and paperwork?
17. Will my students learn?
18. Will I see my dream?
19. What's red and brown and striped all over?
20. How long have I been a whiney hiney?

Apparently your buzzers work as well as mine.

Did I mention I put my full faith and trust in God the Father? I do! I am not a infant in need of milk, I need real answers to real questions. This is the meat. I no longer believe the answers are found in "religion." They are found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They are found in the Gospel. He doesn't need me to have relationship but I need Him. He uses that double edged sword and lays me open and pierces me through bone and marrow. I scream and cry and beg but still am laid open. Now what? I think about mom. Dad said when they went into her bone marrow for a sample, she laid there in total pain, tears streaming, but never complained. Guess I'm not as much like her as I thought. It really shouldn't surprise me, He created my innermost being,He knit me together in her womb, He already knows everything about me, inside and out. How far will I unravel before He has to get those knitting needles out again? The piercing is for me, to awaken me to reality. Yes, I would love to hear answers, to know what I am supposed to be learning through this. Patience? Fortitude?Faith? Am I being protected from something? Is it a plan for my benefit to wait out the economy to have a successful business? I just wish I could see the plan. But that really isn't the way, is it? So I'm putting on my big girl panties and pushing forward! I love Jesus, really I do.