Twenty Questions

Who thought of this game anyway?

Maybe I have one answer for now, maybe 17 answers.

Forgetting what I wanted (want), why I said yes, for how long it will be, what the sun looks like, etc. Not understanding how I am supposed to teach with ten thousand meetings to attend, and countless tests to give to the children, even before they've been taught the concepts...

I wait every morning for them to walk into that classroom. Wondering did they have enough to eat last night? Have they gotten to take a bath, did they get to sleep in a bed, was anyone home when they got there or when they went to bed? Who got to hear "I love you?" Many other questions I don't dare try to write or answer.

And you know what plays in my head? One of my dearest friends knows exactly what it is and I don't even have to tell her. She knows because it's in her heart and head too.

My passion for what I really want to do has not changed. I don't know why I answered the phone that summer day, or agreed to an interview, or said yes at the offering and gave up the rest of my summer and apparently year to pursue this. I don't even know if I'm doing it right. But Monday through Friday at 7:30 a.m. none of that matters, just seeing 17 children coming into Room 17 is all that matters. And until they are accounted for, nothing else matters. The rest of the day, that's another story!

For now, for at least the next few months, beyond that, I don't really know, but for now...

You're the God of this City, You're the King of this People, You're the Lord of this Nation You Are There is No One Like You God...

Twenty Questions

Let's play 20 questions!!
When you know the answer, just ring your buzzer, and tell me the answer!!
I will ask the questions, you will answer each question.
When you know the answer, gently tap your buzzer (like this, show how to softly rub arm to make it tickle)and give me the correct answer.
I have played this game many times and am really hoping for some answers worth reading.
Does everyone understand the perimeters of the game? I ask questions, you ring in with answer. The sooner the better!
Your answer may not be in the form of a question. I ask the questions!

1. What was I thinking?
2. How long?
3. Why?
4. What does the sun look like?
5. What was I thinking?
6. How to you protect against chapped eyes?
7. Does holding your breath cause heart malfunctions?
8. Did I do this?
9. Why can't I just say thank you?
10. How long can I ask for something before I just get completely tuned out?
11. When the students see me, do they see Him?
12. Do I?
13. Can I see past the end of my nose?
14. What kind of carpet should I get?
15. Would anyone care to paint walls this weekend? I think they need it ( plus there will be fumes! lol)
16. How can there possibly be a need for so many meetings? and paperwork?
17. Will my students learn?
18. Will I see my dream?
19. What's red and brown and striped all over?
20. How long have I been a whiney hiney?

Apparently your buzzers work as well as mine.

Did I mention I put my full faith and trust in God the Father? I do! I am not a infant in need of milk, I need real answers to real questions. This is the meat. I no longer believe the answers are found in "religion." They are found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They are found in the Gospel. He doesn't need me to have relationship but I need Him. He uses that double edged sword and lays me open and pierces me through bone and marrow. I scream and cry and beg but still am laid open. Now what? I think about mom. Dad said when they went into her bone marrow for a sample, she laid there in total pain, tears streaming, but never complained. Guess I'm not as much like her as I thought. It really shouldn't surprise me, He created my innermost being,He knit me together in her womb, He already knows everything about me, inside and out. How far will I unravel before He has to get those knitting needles out again? The piercing is for me, to awaken me to reality. Yes, I would love to hear answers, to know what I am supposed to be learning through this. Patience? Fortitude?Faith? Am I being protected from something? Is it a plan for my benefit to wait out the economy to have a successful business? I just wish I could see the plan. But that really isn't the way, is it? So I'm putting on my big girl panties and pushing forward! I love Jesus, really I do.

Electricity and such

So some days you just know.  Nothing really happens, you wake up and you just know.  You know it's going to be one of those days.  That means different things for different people.  For me, I know exactly what it means and I usually think I can handle it myself.  I'm learning different.

Then there are those days, the alarm goes off, you pop up out of bed, no problem.  Yea! for those mornings!! Right?  

So today, the ever so soothing morning alarm rang, I politely allowed my ever so tired body another 5 minutes of rest (that never really is restful is it?) before heading to the shower.  Now, I love the mornings but not necessarily the light bulb lights.  So my normal routine is to only turn on the shower light and I did that very thing this morning. So the rest of the house and bathroom is pitch black except for my shower light. About 45 seconds into my deluge of hot water, the light begins to slowly dim. That's nice, I thought, easier on the eyes! Wonder why? Then a pop! and flash and total darkness. Hmmmm ok except for the shaving part, right? So I carefully finish in utter darkness until I can get out and turn on the bathroom light. OUCH! Really bright now since I've experienced the darkness for several minutes.

Lights on, begin to finish getting ready for the day. Plug in hair dryer as usual and begin to blow dry hair. POP! FLASH! FIRE! SMOKE!  The hair dryer is on fire!!! and then dead.  It's gonna be a great hair day...(thank you Justin for leaving your hair dryer behind!)

Fortunately, I still have time to make the post office and SBUX before arriving at school in the dark.  God is good, with all the lights out so far this morning, I was greeted outside by the fullest, brightest moon I've seen in a long time!  Ok, actually saw it yesterday as well and it was great but today just appreciated it sooo much more. 

Yep. It did turn out to be one of those days.  Though not my favorite type of day, it did begin and end with a light from above that reminds me He really is still here.

One Week part 2

It really does seem like just yesterday (in respect to this blog) that I posted "One Week".

All of those events came and went.  I did lay on a beach :), Julie left for ACU, Justin left for OC, I began teaching first grade and in the mean time finished my certification classes and passed the first state test.  

As I suspected, I miss Julie.  I miss her things all over the house(don't tell her that), I miss hearing her voice, seeing her dance through the house, going in and out the front door.  I miss all the friends she brought home, seeing her glued to "The Office" or "Project Runway".  I miss her grumpy voice in the mornings, her laughter late at night, her random bursts of song. I miss seeing her white bug in front of the house and breathing a sigh of relief because I know she is home safe. Mostly, I miss the times she came to my room and we just laid in the bed to talk.

But I know in my heart she is exactly where she is supposed to be.  I have full confidence that God has put Julie at ACU for a purpose and a plan.  That makes my heart glad and I can rejoice in His unfailing love for her.

Justin has only been gone a couple of days and I already miss him as well.  He came to my class before he left to have lunch with me.  That was a sweet time.  I felt so special that he took the time to come see me before he left.  My prayer for him is to finish strong in his studies and continue his awesome growth in the Lord.  

So the new long hours at work don't seem so bad, they keep my mind occupied.  I have a lot to learn and feel the weight of responsibility to these children. No, it's not rocket science, but in my opinion more important than that. Setting the foundation for their education is huge but there's more for me.  Can they see Jesus through me? Do they even know who He is?  My personal relationship with the Lord still has to be the center of my life, it cannot become the after everything else time. Already it is too evident how that can happen. I pray that God will keep pulling me into Him and that my heels won't drag the ground. I want to be in a continual dance with Him, to let Him have the lead and guide me through life. We all know I will fall :), but He will pick me up again!

Greater things are yet to come...   

One Week

Someone once said," What a difference a day makes." Very true. In Texas, what a difference a few minutes can make when you're speaking of the weather. Just this morning, I awoke to the loud crashing claps of thunder, the steady yet gentle downpour of rain, and my favorite, the lights displayed across the early morning sky. I quickly grabbed my silky blanket :) , a cup of joe in my favorite cup, put on the tunes of Shane and Shane and spent some quality time with the Lord and his display of nature! It didn't take long for the scene to change. And once again that other ball of fire I like so much had taken the place of the rain and the steam set in.

What a difference a week can make too. One week ago today, goodbyes had to be exchanged, not fun. One week from today, I should be laying on a beach, enjoying some time before... one week from the day we return home, we take Julie to ACU... one week from that day, I begin a new career as a first grade teacher and Justin leaves for school... one week from that day I get a vacation day(well almost a week). Days quickly turn into weeks, weeks to months, and before you know it months to years. Individually, some seem really long and some fly by before you know it. I'm not sure which one is worse.. you know the long days and expect that eventually they will get better but the ones that sneak past you? Those may be the hardest to recover from.
Tomorrow is a new day ( and Justin's 22 birthday! yes, I was a very young momma) (VERY)
and with any luck, it will begin with lights.

From the Inside Out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all things

My heart and my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out to You.