Embracing Accusation

Why is it that music can speak to my heart and soul so quickly? I love going to the Village because I know Scripture will be opened and read, meditated on, tracked with, broken down and applied. In addition to that is the music, not your traditional music usually, but praise filled, heart felt, hand raising or chest tapping lyrics that I can't help but sing out with in awe and reverence for my King. Then there's always the song(s) that bring tears to my eyes for various reasons or ones that literally put me in my chair in prayer. Last Saturday night was certainly no exception.

Embracing Accusation (Shane and Shane)

The Father of Lies coming to steal, kill, and destroy all my hopes of being good enough.
I hear him saying, "cursed are the ones who can't abide," He's right. Halleluiah, he's right.
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed. That I am cursed and gone astray.
I cannot gain salvation, embracing accusation.
Could the Father of lies be telling the truth to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine.
I hear him saying, "cursed are the ones who can't abide". He's right. Halleluiah, he's right.
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed. That I am cursed and gone astray.
I cannot gain salvation.
Oh the devil is singing over me the age old song... that I am cursed and gone astray.
Singing the first verse so conveniently, he's forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES.

Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us- for it is written," Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree"-so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might RECEIVE THE PROMISED SPIRIT THROUGH FAITH. (the forgotten refrain of the deceiver)

Jesus, thank you for the refrain, help me to hear it above the lies of the deceiver.

Twenty Questions

Who thought of this game anyway?

Maybe I have one answer for now, maybe 17 answers.

Forgetting what I wanted (want), why I said yes, for how long it will be, what the sun looks like, etc. Not understanding how I am supposed to teach with ten thousand meetings to attend, and countless tests to give to the children, even before they've been taught the concepts...

I wait every morning for them to walk into that classroom. Wondering did they have enough to eat last night? Have they gotten to take a bath, did they get to sleep in a bed, was anyone home when they got there or when they went to bed? Who got to hear "I love you?" Many other questions I don't dare try to write or answer.

And you know what plays in my head? One of my dearest friends knows exactly what it is and I don't even have to tell her. She knows because it's in her heart and head too.

My passion for what I really want to do has not changed. I don't know why I answered the phone that summer day, or agreed to an interview, or said yes at the offering and gave up the rest of my summer and apparently year to pursue this. I don't even know if I'm doing it right. But Monday through Friday at 7:30 a.m. none of that matters, just seeing 17 children coming into Room 17 is all that matters. And until they are accounted for, nothing else matters. The rest of the day, that's another story!

For now, for at least the next few months, beyond that, I don't really know, but for now...

You're the God of this City, You're the King of this People, You're the Lord of this Nation You Are There is No One Like You God...

Twenty Questions

Let's play 20 questions!!
When you know the answer, just ring your buzzer, and tell me the answer!!
I will ask the questions, you will answer each question.
When you know the answer, gently tap your buzzer (like this, show how to softly rub arm to make it tickle)and give me the correct answer.
I have played this game many times and am really hoping for some answers worth reading.
Does everyone understand the perimeters of the game? I ask questions, you ring in with answer. The sooner the better!
Your answer may not be in the form of a question. I ask the questions!

1. What was I thinking?
2. How long?
3. Why?
4. What does the sun look like?
5. What was I thinking?
6. How to you protect against chapped eyes?
7. Does holding your breath cause heart malfunctions?
8. Did I do this?
9. Why can't I just say thank you?
10. How long can I ask for something before I just get completely tuned out?
11. When the students see me, do they see Him?
12. Do I?
13. Can I see past the end of my nose?
14. What kind of carpet should I get?
15. Would anyone care to paint walls this weekend? I think they need it ( plus there will be fumes! lol)
16. How can there possibly be a need for so many meetings? and paperwork?
17. Will my students learn?
18. Will I see my dream?
19. What's red and brown and striped all over?
20. How long have I been a whiney hiney?

Apparently your buzzers work as well as mine.

Did I mention I put my full faith and trust in God the Father? I do! I am not a infant in need of milk, I need real answers to real questions. This is the meat. I no longer believe the answers are found in "religion." They are found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They are found in the Gospel. He doesn't need me to have relationship but I need Him. He uses that double edged sword and lays me open and pierces me through bone and marrow. I scream and cry and beg but still am laid open. Now what? I think about mom. Dad said when they went into her bone marrow for a sample, she laid there in total pain, tears streaming, but never complained. Guess I'm not as much like her as I thought. It really shouldn't surprise me, He created my innermost being,He knit me together in her womb, He already knows everything about me, inside and out. How far will I unravel before He has to get those knitting needles out again? The piercing is for me, to awaken me to reality. Yes, I would love to hear answers, to know what I am supposed to be learning through this. Patience? Fortitude?Faith? Am I being protected from something? Is it a plan for my benefit to wait out the economy to have a successful business? I just wish I could see the plan. But that really isn't the way, is it? So I'm putting on my big girl panties and pushing forward! I love Jesus, really I do.

Electricity and such

So some days you just know.  Nothing really happens, you wake up and you just know.  You know it's going to be one of those days.  That means different things for different people.  For me, I know exactly what it means and I usually think I can handle it myself.  I'm learning different.

Then there are those days, the alarm goes off, you pop up out of bed, no problem.  Yea! for those mornings!! Right?  

So today, the ever so soothing morning alarm rang, I politely allowed my ever so tired body another 5 minutes of rest (that never really is restful is it?) before heading to the shower.  Now, I love the mornings but not necessarily the light bulb lights.  So my normal routine is to only turn on the shower light and I did that very thing this morning. So the rest of the house and bathroom is pitch black except for my shower light. About 45 seconds into my deluge of hot water, the light begins to slowly dim. That's nice, I thought, easier on the eyes! Wonder why? Then a pop! and flash and total darkness. Hmmmm ok except for the shaving part, right? So I carefully finish in utter darkness until I can get out and turn on the bathroom light. OUCH! Really bright now since I've experienced the darkness for several minutes.

Lights on, begin to finish getting ready for the day. Plug in hair dryer as usual and begin to blow dry hair. POP! FLASH! FIRE! SMOKE!  The hair dryer is on fire!!! and then dead.  It's gonna be a great hair day...(thank you Justin for leaving your hair dryer behind!)

Fortunately, I still have time to make the post office and SBUX before arriving at school in the dark.  God is good, with all the lights out so far this morning, I was greeted outside by the fullest, brightest moon I've seen in a long time!  Ok, actually saw it yesterday as well and it was great but today just appreciated it sooo much more. 

Yep. It did turn out to be one of those days.  Though not my favorite type of day, it did begin and end with a light from above that reminds me He really is still here.

One Week part 2

It really does seem like just yesterday (in respect to this blog) that I posted "One Week".

All of those events came and went.  I did lay on a beach :), Julie left for ACU, Justin left for OC, I began teaching first grade and in the mean time finished my certification classes and passed the first state test.  

As I suspected, I miss Julie.  I miss her things all over the house(don't tell her that), I miss hearing her voice, seeing her dance through the house, going in and out the front door.  I miss all the friends she brought home, seeing her glued to "The Office" or "Project Runway".  I miss her grumpy voice in the mornings, her laughter late at night, her random bursts of song. I miss seeing her white bug in front of the house and breathing a sigh of relief because I know she is home safe. Mostly, I miss the times she came to my room and we just laid in the bed to talk.

But I know in my heart she is exactly where she is supposed to be.  I have full confidence that God has put Julie at ACU for a purpose and a plan.  That makes my heart glad and I can rejoice in His unfailing love for her.

Justin has only been gone a couple of days and I already miss him as well.  He came to my class before he left to have lunch with me.  That was a sweet time.  I felt so special that he took the time to come see me before he left.  My prayer for him is to finish strong in his studies and continue his awesome growth in the Lord.  

So the new long hours at work don't seem so bad, they keep my mind occupied.  I have a lot to learn and feel the weight of responsibility to these children. No, it's not rocket science, but in my opinion more important than that. Setting the foundation for their education is huge but there's more for me.  Can they see Jesus through me? Do they even know who He is?  My personal relationship with the Lord still has to be the center of my life, it cannot become the after everything else time. Already it is too evident how that can happen. I pray that God will keep pulling me into Him and that my heels won't drag the ground. I want to be in a continual dance with Him, to let Him have the lead and guide me through life. We all know I will fall :), but He will pick me up again!

Greater things are yet to come...   

One Week

Someone once said," What a difference a day makes." Very true. In Texas, what a difference a few minutes can make when you're speaking of the weather. Just this morning, I awoke to the loud crashing claps of thunder, the steady yet gentle downpour of rain, and my favorite, the lights displayed across the early morning sky. I quickly grabbed my silky blanket :) , a cup of joe in my favorite cup, put on the tunes of Shane and Shane and spent some quality time with the Lord and his display of nature! It didn't take long for the scene to change. And once again that other ball of fire I like so much had taken the place of the rain and the steam set in.

What a difference a week can make too. One week ago today, goodbyes had to be exchanged, not fun. One week from today, I should be laying on a beach, enjoying some time before... one week from the day we return home, we take Julie to ACU... one week from that day, I begin a new career as a first grade teacher and Justin leaves for school... one week from that day I get a vacation day(well almost a week). Days quickly turn into weeks, weeks to months, and before you know it months to years. Individually, some seem really long and some fly by before you know it. I'm not sure which one is worse.. you know the long days and expect that eventually they will get better but the ones that sneak past you? Those may be the hardest to recover from.
Tomorrow is a new day ( and Justin's 22 birthday! yes, I was a very young momma) (VERY)
and with any luck, it will begin with lights.

From the Inside Out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all things

My heart and my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out to You.

Sleep

Proverbs 6:9-11 How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon
you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

Proverbs 20:13 Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes and you will have plenty of bread.

I Corinthians 15:51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,...

Perhaps a bit out of context.

What if I'm just being prepared for "the day"? What if I get to be one of the ones who won't sleep? How cool would that be? Being wide awake at the coming of Christ! Sleep or no sleep, thanks be to God who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! Knowing this we can rest in peace.

Night lights

Lightning is one of the most beautiful displays in nature. It is also one of the most deadly natural phenomena known to man. With bolt temperatures hotter than the surface of the sun and shockwaves beaming out in all directions, lightning is a lesson in physical science and humility.

Beautiful display = deadly phenomena.

Still, can't think of too many things I'd rather do than watch a good light show. Whether it spreads across the night sky like a huge flashlight, sends out "spider veins", makes a direct vertical hit, or does the occasional upside down or swirly strike, to me, it is one of God's most incredible masterpieces. It is especially exciting to watch over a body of water in the darkest of skies. Not too many people appreciate this deadly phenom, but the beautiful display is worth the risk, especially if someone else is with you to take the hit. J/K.

I'm not really interested in all the physical science part of lightning. I do feel humbled everytime I witness God's majesty and power in this incredible display of His creation. Wouldn't it be cool if since you can see the same stars from different states, you could still see the light shows that way too?

Good-Bye

Sometimes I read Kelli's blogs ( I accidently typed Keeli just then which is what I voted for to be your name oops!). She is a great writer. This past week Kelli said goodbye to an old friend. I have to admit I immediately teared up. If you know me, you know that used to be my nature, immediate flowing wetness from the eyes. Following many petitions for that to be taken away from me, it was, for awhile. I mean I could flow over the silliest things. Mostly, the petitioning worked and I've become a closet crier, this may be the closet I'm not willing to come out of. Kelli said goodbye to her favorite t-shirt of many years, I recognized it right away in the picture posted on her blog. Kelli, I am truly sorry for your loss. May I suggest an American Apparel t-shirt to take its place? They are nice and soft. While I know that no other t-shirt can take the place of this one, I hope you find joy and comfort in a new soft garment!
I am also thinking it's time to say good-bye, at least for now, to something that has had a special place in my life for the last year or so. I wish it was a shirt. It isn't anything concrete, no one ever saw it but it was good for awhile. A few people already assumed I had said my good-bye in recent weeks but until now I wasn't ready. Such is life and if it ever comes back again, perhaps I'll wake up and embrace it once more. But for now, so long, and I'll move on to the tasks set before me, whether they be a room full of first graders, a corporate position (won't hold my breath) or serving coffee at the local chain with all the other green aprons, it's all good in the hood, affectionately known as Camelot.

Saturday Night's the Night I Like

If you have an eclectic taste in music or are as old as I am you can finish the verse to the title of this blog! Late 70's .
It seems like Saturday nights are the nights my mind just takes off on a free ride. In reviewing the past blogs I've written, it seems maybe I have been a bit down.
So it's time for a change!
There are many things that bring joy to my heart. This summer I have been blessed to experience heart joy at two different church camps! I can't think of too many things in life that bring more joy to my soul than watching teens praise the Lord. Teens with outstretched arms, heads thrown back, singing at the top of their lungs, praising God. Or teens bowed in prayer, offering their hearts to God and accepting His forgiveness, His grace, and His salvation.
Some will say it's just the "church camp" experience that will soon fade away. Even if that is true, I can't accept that those times of surrender won't leave some lasting impression on their heart and soul. Maybe they won't even be aware of that imprint until some day when they least expect it and that memory shows up at just the right moment to offer a renewed hope in a crucial time in their life. Even they recognize the possibility that this "fire for God" is momentary. You could hear them pray, "Please God, don't let this pass when we leave camp, show us how to take it into our schools, our youth group, our families, and our activities."
That is a cry that should be acted on by all of us. We can't afford to leave our kids at the doorstep of the Youth Room and hope that something there continues to guide them. It is up to all of us to be an example to them, to be a prayer warrior for them, to build relationships with them, to hold them accountable, to play with them, to share scripture with them and to love them unconditionally. They are not just our future, they are our present, already engaging in the battlefield everyday. Thank God for kids!!

To Write or Not to Write

There is so much in my head right now that needs to come out. I have this unusual desire to write it all down. The problem is no one else would get it so what would be the point of posting a blog? Just my own personal satisfaction? Or is it just to put off lying in a bed staring at the ceiling until sleep overtakes my mind? I have to write something because I'm not ready for the ceiling just yet. But my thoughts are not His thoughts right now so I'll go with something else, just to see if it will satisfy my mind yet keeping it light at the same time.
1. Happy Feet
2. Pierced my nose with Julie
3. Missed the Village tonight, maybe tomorrow night?
4. Learned about old manuscripts that replaced middle s's with f's and have been having fun with that.
5. Be fill my foul, Turn your Eyef upon Jefuf, The More I Feek you, Praife the Name of Jefuf, Fafe and Found,Fanctuary, Faved by Grace, Fing, Fing, Fing, Fine Jefuf Fine, just to name a few
church songs with this type of letter replacement.
6. Ran the trails to Chandler teaching about "Hope in the real World" again, why do I listen to something that make me think?
7. Bought some new music. Now have to learn it for the trivia game.
8. Fell asleep on table earlier today, that 30 minutes prolly ruined my sleep!
9. Finished camp laundry.
10. Number one event of day...fewer tears.

If you are fill reading fis, you will be fatified to know I may be able to fleep now. I think I have fucceffully tricked my mind into thinking I've done fomething worthwhile.

All Rise,Wake up O sleeper, turn your eyes upon Jesus, and see him Shine Jesus Shine.
The Joy of the Lord will be my Strength and Above All else We will declare that the Kingdom is here.

Refusing to say good bye, just see ya later!

Pride

Oh so many things to think about with a title like this. Pride. I've been allowed the privilege today of looking at the pride of some kings back in the day. That's what happens when you get behind in a study, you play catch up and become saturated with the topic. Interestingly enough, the kings that seem to have the most difficulty with pride were the same kings who could have had and enjoyed every blessing from God. In fact, they did enjoy blessings and victories as long as they called on the Lord. But the more they conquered and claimed victory, the less they relied on God. Soon their prideful nature became their demise.

So I have to ask myself, "Self, what is the pride in your life?" Truthfully, I think my pride has been shot to hell lately. So that's a good start, right? The thing is I have discovered that my biggest problem (sin if you will) is that I think God should answer my prayers now, in my time frame and in the way I want them answered. Don't worry about the lightening while you are reading this, God knows and He is at work in me and on me. But isn't that what we learn and teach in our society? I want this and I want it now! Really there aren't too many material things in life that intrigue me, especially to the point of pride. I think my problem is that I want to know and feel I am appreciated by others and by God. I have felt lately that God is holding out on me. Like He brought me to this beautiful place in life and said it's good, enjoy, learn, have fun again, indulge in scripture and in all your 100's of questions with a spiritual confidant, drink it up! And I did! And it was good! And I said "Thank you", over and over again. He said, It was good. Was? Come on God. This ought to stay mine for now. You said it is good. You've seen the change in me. Can't I be Hezekiah? He got more. Give me more. That is my sinful, prideful spirit. You see, I'm not on my deathbed like Hezekiah was. This isn't the end of my life. It's just my sin.

The other side of this story is a great opportunity for a woman of God. A woman who knows that faith is not without fear but what we do with that fear. A woman whose convictions and core won't let her give in to being complacent. One who is seeking the Lord with all her heart even though the call takes her away from family and friends, at least in distance, she's willing to go and step out in complete faith. A woman I consider friend and anamchara.

Shame on me. God, You are the giver of every good and perfect gift. Your timing is not mine, it is way more perfect. I don't know that I will ever understand it but I understand and claim that You are a Holy God. Heal me of my pride and more importantly, shower my friend with every good and perfect gift from above.

Masquerade

"Masquerading around day after day as a normal person is exhausting." Is it any wonder the author of this quote wishes to remain anonymous? If we believe we are living in a masquerade or "behind a mask", isn't that the first clue that we don't want anyone to know the real person? I think at times we can hide behind the mask for so long, we look in the mirror and no longer recognize the face staring back at us. What happens in life that we purposely dress for the masquerade and then forget to ever get out of costume? I suppose it is life itself that happens. In a true masquerade type mask, the only covered part of the face is the eyes. The eyes tell our story. They show what's in our heart. They send out rays of laughter, tears of joy, and glimpses of peace. The eyes well to the brim with warm tears and cry with pain, sorrow, grief, confusion, hurt feelings, disenchantment, the list goes on. Sometimes they appear hollow or deep set. On good days, they are wide open, filled with excitement, surreal with hope and passion and fixed on "the prize." Some say a life well lived is defined by the creases formed around our eyes that appear everytime we smile or laugh. When then do we find it necessary to "masquerade as a normal person to the point of exhaustion?" Perhaps it is anytime we look anywhere but up. IICor. 4:18 says..." as we fix our eyes not on the things that are seen BUT on the things that are unseen". When we take our eyes off Jesus, we lose our hope. Our little world becomes lost and we put on the mask and head off to the masquerade, hoping to hide our eyes and to appear as a normal person. Sometimes the "party" goes longer than we anticipated and our vision eventually becomes so blurred, we feel lost forever. Sometimes it takes that special person who may ask a question as simple as "How can I be praying for you?", that reminds us to take off the mask and just be real. Ps. 121:1-2 "I lift my eyes up to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made the heaven and the earth." Let your eyes be uncovered and looking up. Who needs normal?

Thumbs and moms

Who or what do you take for granted in your life? How about...your thumbs? Do you take your thumbs for granted? Where would you be without your thumbs? I challenge you for one day to tape your thumbs back so that you can't use them. What would it be like to floss your teeth? Try sending a text message without your thumbs. Give me a "high five!" Sorry, only four today! How about snapping? Can you hold a pen? Ever try buttoning, zipping, or tying a bow without your thumbs? Cutting with scissors or a knife for that matter, becomes impossible.
You get the point. We should be overjoyed everyday with thankfulness that God blessed humans with opposable thumbs.
There are also people in our lives that we take for granted. Parents, specifically mothers!
Many times our moms are so driven by their love for us and their desire for us to succeed - they "get on our nerves." We go to bed every night, feeling assured they will still be there in the morning to wake us up, fix our breakfast, make our lunch, remind us to brush and floss...etc. We take for granted we will see them when we wake up, whether we want to or not.
Like many teens, I took my mom for granted. She was the typical mom for that day. A stay at home mom, cooked three meals a day and usually a dessert, cleaned the house, did the laundry and ironing, ran errands and kept every body's schedules on track. And was always "dressed" to the hilt! Of course, mom always had time to sit down and hear about our day. She pretended not to notice when I set my watch back for extra bike time,mom told the best jokes, and let me learn about bouillon cubes in my own way!
When I was about 10, mom developed breast cancer. She had a mastectomy. Mom was a trooper. She downplayed the whole event, acted as if it were nothing, just a way to cure her. And it did, for a while. In November 1975, the cancer returned. Again, mom had this superhuman attitude. The doctors removed what they could and began chemotherapy. The only time I saw her cry was the first time she lost her hair, but being mom, she bought a couple of wigs and found joy in changing her look from time to time.
On March 2, 1976, I woke up for the first time not taking mom for granted. We had stayed up late the night before. I rubbed mom's feet and we talked about the first concert I would be going to the next evening. I told her goodnight for the last time that night. I am so thankful for the time we spent together on her bed, just talking and getting to snuggle next to her. She was gone by morning.
I hope you will stop right now and take a good look at your thumbs and think of your mom. What would you do without her? Tell her what she means to you. Hug her everyday and let her know she is loved and appreciated. Allow her time in your life and allow her time in her own life too. Speak kindly to her and of her, always. Hold her hand in public.
You are here because your mom chose to give you life. She loves you.

Thumbs up for mom!